Creativity needs safety as much as it needs inspiration. I am fragile, I can't jump into the deep end... yet.
So I start slow and safe I invest myself in a project for my kids. A familiar place to be for the mothers of the world. I choose their interest as my muse. An idol, a force to be sure, the fodder of my young boys minds- Godzilla.
This project isn't mine, it's their's so I have permission to play.
This comes as a relief from the self important stakes I usually set for myself in my creative pursuits.
No one to impress but my adoring children. No risks to manage, no timeline. A selfless creation to decorate their room.
I start with an idea, immerse myself in the imagery of Godzilla. Slowly a sketch begins to emerge and then the leap to fabric, thread, and the most important commodity-time.
One string, one stitch at a time Godzilla emerges. Behind this is one continuous thread tracking my presence with this project.
The thread holds the memory of time. Each moment held taut across the fabric- a memory of sitting on the couch while dinner bubbles away, laying in bed listening to the sounds of my families night time routines.
Sometimes the days tension spills over and becomes held in the needle and thread, the fabric puckers with my stress a tightness holds on with each stitch. Other stitches are loose and fluid a memory of being in a place of flow and joy. Stitch by stitch, moment by moment the thread holds the story of this creature becoming.
The slow work of the needle is a humbling pursuit.
Hours of attention placed in a small area. The fabric slows me down. It requires my presence in a different way than the usual paint or paper. Each medium offers a new way to be present, a new way to show up, a new way to be with what is. This thread requires my patience and presence.
Godzilla and stillness. War planes and peace. Sunshine and tension. My playful creation offers me juxtapositions to meditate on as I tend to each stitch. I meditate on the extremes present in the imagery and the process. But I also mediate on the passing thoughts and feelings.
I sit down and offer my presence to this little hoop of fabric and thread and somehow I am transformed. I make, I create, I reflect I follow the flow.
No painstaking hum of "does this look right" "is it good enough" "am I good enough" just an unfolding process where perfection is no where in the room and my creativity is a servant to my children's love.
This was a relief. A playground for creativity and skill to dance. A process that slowed me down, required my abiding presence and allowed me to just be. A gift I have given myself. Time to create and be with materials. Next time I may increase the stakes but for today Godzilla reminds me that stillness is always possible.
Peace is something we cultivate in the moment.